How To Handle A Wage Gap In A Relationship

Relationship wage gaps have been around for a long time, with men historically earning more than women. This hasn't usually caused tension in relationships due to societal norms. But now, it's increasingly common for women to earn more and have higher education levels than their male partners.

According to the US Census, 29.8% of wives earn more than their husbands among married working couples in 2022. The percentage of wives who out earn their husbands have remain above 28% since 2009. This shift can be challenging for some couples. Couples who struggle to communicate effectively about financial matters are at a higher risk of marital dissatisfaction and divorce.

Here is a story of two clients who used Coach Varsha to support them in navigating their personal situation (their names have been changed for confidentiality).

Aisha, a finance worker, earns more than her partner Raj, who is a doctor. They're learning to balance their jobs and relationship, which isn't what people might expect. This couple identifies as Asian American, specifically South Asian.

About 1 in 4 Asian women are primary bread winners (similar to White women) and is lower than Black women (1 in 3) and higher than Hispanic women (1 in 5). (Institute for Family Studies)

They worked with a dating coach to have a third party help them have more productive conversations around the non-traditional dynamic. This allowed them to have better communication.

To navigate this, they listened to each other's needs and set goals together. They also discussed their childhood experiences with money and what they expected from each other financially.

Aisha and Raj have found their own roles in the relationship, rather than sticking to traditional gender roles based on income.

Common Issues With Wage Gaps

Though broad research have shown that there is higher divorce for couples when the women earns more, for Asians the divorces rates are quite low according to My Asian Voice. This may be due to societal pressures not to divorce or the choice to suffer in what you know than risk the unknown. 

Regardless, when one partner earns more money or has more education, it can cause problems:

Feeling not good enough or unsure of yourself.

In such relationships, people might feel inadequate or doubtful about themselves. This can harm their self-esteem and create insecurity in the relationship. 

Switching roles and having conflicts because of it.

Income and education differences can lead to conflicts about who does what in the relationship. This can disrupt established dynamics and cause tension. While chores are not often related to money; if left unaddressed, income disparities can cause problems even for household chores and other activities. 

Not talking enough and growing apart because of pressure from others and feeling insecure.

Avoiding talking about wage disparities can lead to emotional distance and resentment. External pressures and personal insecurities can worsen communication problems, making partners feel disconnected. 

Tips For Managing A Wage Gap

Talk often and share feelings without judging each other.

Good communication is key to managing wage differences. By talking openly and listening without criticism, partners can understand each other better and strengthen their bond. Share your interests, preferences and strengths and apply that to your decisions around the house and with finances. 

Respect each other's contributions, no matter what they are.

Recognizing and valuing each other's efforts beyond money is important for equality and appreciation in the relationship. Whether it's financial support or household chores, every contribution matters. Be sure to differentiate monty matters with chores and other activities. 

Have goals that you both want to reach together.

Setting shared goals gives partners direction and unity. By working towards common aspirations, couples can overcome challenges together. Sit down regularly and make time to discuss goals and plans outside of your daily schedules. 

Get help from others like a coach or therapist when things get tough.

Seeking help from professionals can provide valuable advice and support in dealing with emotional issues caused by wage differences. Like Aisha and Raj, seeking a third party for support creates a sense of teamwork and allows for structure. 

Find different ways to spend time together and support each other.

Diverse activities and support methods strengthen the bond between partners. Whether it's shared hobbies or emotional support, finding ways to connect is crucial. Recognizing the love between the two of you can make decisions making easier and more respectful. 

Remember, many couples go through similar things. It's important to know that others understand and have been through it too.

Money and education differences can be tough in relationships, but with communication and support like Aisha and Raj's, it's possible to overcome them. Their story shows that even in hard times, couples can understand each other and grow together.